These past serveral days I have been home. I packed up the kids last Wedensdy morning as Benny had to work. My Grandma Tolar has taken a turn for the worse. I am going to be honest, I am not ready. I wasn't ready 6 days ago and I am not ready now. My heart is broken. I have loved this women as long as I can remember, and she has loved me back! I don't have one single memory that does not include her. My childhood is filled w/ the sweetest memories and of course hesterical laughter. FUN! If I could describe her in one word, that is it! So as I drove home last Wednesday, and then back to Crossett today, I am overwhelmed. These last few days I have looked into the eyes of a very frail, sick, tender, and beautiful women of God. Her eyes still shine. We have been by her bed constantly, recalling great times and tender moments. As I have had some time to reflect, here is a list of things I don't want to forget, Grandma.
** Taking us to the cotton fields to pick cotton and stomp down the cotton in the bins
** Warm afternoon naps on your homeade quilts
** Your wonderful fudge
** Your banana pudding
** Homeade clothes you made me
**Our life-sized dolls. Actually, all the dolls you made
**The smell of your house when I walk in the door
**You telling me about Jesus when I was 8. Best day of my life!
**How you and I cried as I told the church I was saved!!
**Giving me advice about boys
**Letting me "run away from home" to your house
**the mattress under your bed that we slept on as kids. I even slept there on that thing when I was 9 months pregnant!
**Bloody bones stories
**Those wild sleepovers! How did you manage all 5 of us girls?
**Saturday night sleepovers! I even continued this as a teenager!
**Your warm hugs
**That silly stocking you put on your head and we all thought you were a burgular and cried and ran! You scared me to death!
**Loving me unconditionally
Please pray as she enters the gates of heaven to spend eternity w/ our Lord. I honestly am not ready. The selfish side of me is not accepting this at all. So as I listen to Jeremy Camp's "There will be a Day", I am comforted. I know what is on the other side of this life. I am so glad to know my Grandma prayed for me to know Jesus and set a wonderful example on how to love the Lord like she did. And she gave me a wonderful mother! Yes Grandma, there will be a day, and I will see your face again! I love you!