Monday, January 19, 2009
Memories Of my Grandmother
These past serveral days I have been home. I packed up the kids last Wedensdy morning as Benny had to work. My Grandma Tolar has taken a turn for the worse. I am going to be honest, I am not ready. I wasn't ready 6 days ago and I am not ready now. My heart is broken. I have loved this women as long as I can remember, and she has loved me back! I don't have one single memory that does not include her. My childhood is filled w/ the sweetest memories and of course hesterical laughter. FUN! If I could describe her in one word, that is it! So as I drove home last Wednesday, and then back to Crossett today, I am overwhelmed. These last few days I have looked into the eyes of a very frail, sick, tender, and beautiful women of God. Her eyes still shine. We have been by her bed constantly, recalling great times and tender moments. As I have had some time to reflect, here is a list of things I don't want to forget, Grandma.
** Taking us to the cotton fields to pick cotton and stomp down the cotton in the bins
** Warm afternoon naps on your homeade quilts
** Your wonderful fudge
** Your banana pudding
** Homeade clothes you made me
**Our life-sized dolls. Actually, all the dolls you made
**The smell of your house when I walk in the door
**You telling me about Jesus when I was 8. Best day of my life!
**How you and I cried as I told the church I was saved!!
**Giving me advice about boys
**Letting me "run away from home" to your house
**the mattress under your bed that we slept on as kids. I even slept there on that thing when I was 9 months pregnant!
**Bloody bones stories
**Those wild sleepovers! How did you manage all 5 of us girls?
**Saturday night sleepovers! I even continued this as a teenager!
**Your warm hugs
**That silly stocking you put on your head and we all thought you were a burgular and cried and ran! You scared me to death!
**Loving me unconditionally
Please pray as she enters the gates of heaven to spend eternity w/ our Lord. I honestly am not ready. The selfish side of me is not accepting this at all. So as I listen to Jeremy Camp's "There will be a Day", I am comforted. I know what is on the other side of this life. I am so glad to know my Grandma prayed for me to know Jesus and set a wonderful example on how to love the Lord like she did. And she gave me a wonderful mother! Yes Grandma, there will be a day, and I will see your face again! I love you!
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11 comments:
OH Tambrey! I am so sorry. You, your family and your Grandmother are in my prayers.
What great memories you have of her!
Such a sweet post, Tambrey, I feel a love for your grandmother as well, as you have always told me stories about her in the most endearing ways. Such a blessing to have had someone like that in your life. I am sorry she is sick, but what Glory awaits her! I'll be praying for all of you!
Tam- I am not ready either. As I've sat and looked at pictures of our family over the years, I suddenly realize, things aren't the same anymore. That in itself scares me. The one rock I had in my life was Memaw. And some strange thing...she is still that rock even in her last few days. It amazes me that she is still trying to communicate, still trying to smile. She is an awesome woman and I can only pray that I touch as many lives as she has all these years.
Here are some things I remember:
* The time she & I came back from town...we ate a WHOLE pound bag of M&Ms while we watched General Hospital...boy we got so sick!
* The times I would "run away" to her house, too!
* I also loved the Sunday afternoon naps after church. There was something about her house (comforting? I guess) that made me sleep so peaceful.
* I, too, loved that mattress we slept on that she tucked under her bed. I still slept on it in my 30's!
* I loved all the crazy times you, me and her had during our teenage years! She was a mess!
* The times I would hollar "Memaw" as I saw her come out with the choir at church...I was two or three.
* Playing in the birdbath in the front of her yard.
* That time you, me and Nikki were so scared to look in the hole in her front yard bc we thought we'd see hell.
*The fried potatoes, homemade biscuits (that Papaw would always have buttered for us before we'd get to the table).
* Watching her study for her Sunday School lesson while her hair was in rollers under that heat thingy!
* Her calling me on my birthday every year early in the morning.
* Her calling when she hadn't heard from us in a while and saying "This is your conscious speaking".
* Her calling the movie "Freaky Friday" Freakin' Friday!
* Still talking and laughing even after she turned the TV off and said it was time to go to bed.
* Her doing what she called "her old lady exercises"
* Her tooting as she'd walk across the room!
* Her always showing us the flowers in her yard
* The feel of her arms around me when I was so hurt and discouraged
* How she made each one of us a 16th birthday quilt.
* When she'd drive with the cruise control on and I couldn't figure out how she was doing that! I thought she was magic
* Her 3rd party line!
I hate to see her suffer anymore. And I know she has lead a Larger than Life life, so full of love and devotion to God and her family. But I'm selfish too. She's supposed to always be here.
Oh...how she held my hand the other day and muffled out "I love you, too". This is so extremely hard...
Tambrey, so very sorry sweetie! I'm praying for you and your family. This was such a sweet post for your grandmother. It brought tears to my eyes! Just wrap your arms around those wonderful memories you have of her and hold onto them forever. May those memories bring you peace! Love ya!
Tambrey- Sweet girl, I am so sorry about your grandmother! It is so hard and I just feel for you. I will be praying for you!
Oh Tambrey! So very sorry! I have a sweet grandmother as well that I love and I dread the day I have to say goodbye to her too. Love this post! So real and geniune! Sounds like she influenced you so much.
I am encouraged by you memorizing the bible verses. Way to go!
Tambrey,
Girl I am so sorry to hear about the health of your grandmother. I know how hard it is to watch your grandparents suffer. My prayers are with you and your family.
Hey Tam & Jen: it is not only you girls that have great memories: your Moms, Uncles, Danny and me also have memories from our childhood (we're old!) with Mom Tolar. Some things I remember: Brenda, Debi and me playing at her house all the time; going to church (once Debi and I got tickled and Ms. Tolar got up and moved to sit between us, after that, all she to do was look at us! nighttime devotionals; and best of all just a few years ago, Debi and her Mom and Me and my Mom had a sleepover at my Mothers. It was so kool, we talked and laughed all night. My Mom and Mom Tolar are friends, they used to visit each other and we would take both of them to hear Danny, Debi, Paul and Dusty sing gospel music. I think I could go on and on.... their season of life is moving ahead whether we are ready or not, just like we will, It is the plan God has for each one of us: I too pray for all of you. This is hard on family, friends and community, her generation is awesome. We love ya'll! danny and pat patton
I'm so sorry! I know your heart is breaking. I am praying for you. What a blessing to have such incredible memories of your beautiful Grandmother. {big hugs}
Praying for you and your family....
I love you Tambrey and am praying for you and that moment God takes her away that you feel a complete peace and get to treasure these last few days with her. I love you lots. Emily
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